Eve’s wish

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve called out to God: ‘Lord, I have a problem.’  ‘What’s the problem, Eve?’  ‘Lord, I know you’ve created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I’m just not happy.’  Why is that, Eve?’ came the reply from above.  ‘Lord, I am lonely.  And I’m sick to death of apples.’  Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution.  I shall create a man for you.  ‘What’s a man, Lord?’  ‘This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits, but he’ll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things.  He will provide you with companionship and satisfy your womanly desires.  But he’ll be witless and will revel in childish things.  He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly.’
‘Sounds great,’ says Eve.  ‘What’s the catch, Lord?’  ‘Well, unfortunately, he’ll also be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring, so you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.  Just remember, it’s our secret: woman to woman.’

A Liverpool girl

Three men were sitting together in a bar bragging about how they had given their new wives their duties.
The first man had married a woman from Albania and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a scouse girl. He boasted that he had told her she was to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry done and that he wanted hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

The Inheritance

When Dan, a single man, found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.     So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.      'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said as he walked up to her, 'but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million pounds.' Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

 Women are so much smarter than men!

The Princess & the Frog

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said ‘Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: I DON'T freaking' THINK so.

Trading places

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies." God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish!
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and the telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 p.m., he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m., he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love-which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. 
You'll have to wait 9 months though. You got pregnant last night!"